Today is the 1st of October. Happy October! The blog for this day is not going to be about any philosophical discussion or anything. It's just about me, and putting into words what I feel. I guess, I can say that I'm one guy that really doesn't play with love. Yes, love is a serious matter and you should not play around with it.
Sometimes we think that love instantly comes when you see a person. You, then, like the person by the looks and the "appeal". It sounds so stereotypical, you see it on TV, movies, you read it on magazines, you hear it on the music you listen. But I don't think it happens likewise. You don't fall in love with a person, by the appearance, it's so much more than that. For me, it didn't happen like that.
I fell in love with my bestfriend.
And it was the best of things that happened to me. I knew her since we were kids but she became my bestfriend around our early teenage years. She was one person who stood out among anybody else. She was the bestfriend. We would hang out together, talk through the phone for hours (litterally), do crazy stuff together. When I was with her, it's almost as if my problems flew away. I knew nothing but me, her and the quality time we spent together. We even told each other our secrets, big or little it may be we would tell it to each other. But there was this one thing I couldn't tell her. My feelings for her.
I fell in love with her, everything about her. I loved the way she was. Her smile, her inner and outer beauty, and even her flaws. The way she would hug me as well and make me feel good when I was down. Every little thing. I couldn't and didn't want to tell this to her fearing that I might be rejected. I just wanted to keep it for myself and just feel the bright and warm colors of our sweet friendship. Somehow, I thought that I knew that there was a possibility between both of us. But I guess that was where I was wrong. I should've not hidden it and I should've not expected too much.
Then the day came, when she knew about it. She was devastated and I was too. Because I knew that everything would come to an end. And it did come to an end. She didn't want to see me anymore, or even talk to me. It was like a restraining order. She was the first girl to whom I shed tears. I don't want to tell you the whole story, but to sum it up and to make it very short, that is how it looked like if you had to make a sneak peak about it.
Sigh. Sometimes, I ask myself, why did it have to happen like that? Maybe I was the jerk in the story. Maybe it wasn't the right time at the right place. But I guess, in every kind of situation you go through, whether it's good or bad, you learn something out of it. The only thing that breaks my heart is that before having any sort of feelings for her, she was my bestfriend. And now, after Lord knows how many years of friendship, we happen to be total strangers to each other. But I can't do much about it because that's how it's supposed to be I reckon, and we don't choose our destiny.
Some people tell me to get a grip and move on, but I guess I never will. Trying to forget her is like trying to remember someone you've never known. I won't forget her, but now, I'm setting her free. And all I can hope for is her happiness and inner peace. I also hope that someday she will find the one guy that will make her complete. Something, I guess I couldn't give her. I want you to be free...
PS: This month's your birthday, advanced happy birthday.